Ordinariness: The lesson of Sarah Smith from Golders Green.

In his book The Great Divorce, C.S. Lewis describes a parade in heaven, with a crowd of spirits and people and musicians.  It was in honour of a beautiful lady clothed in light.

“Is it? … is it?” I whispered to my guide.
”Not at all,” said he, “It’s someone ye’ll never have heard of.  Her name on Earth was Sarah Smith and she lived at Golders Green.”
”She seems to be … well, a person of particular importance?”
”Aye. She is one of the great ones.  Ye have heard that fame in this country and fame on Earth are two quite different things.”

The characters continue describing all the people (and animals) that in her life she’d loved who were now part of this procession.

I’ve been grappling of late with the idea of “Calling.”  Or more specifically my lack of one.  I’ve been coming across a number of messages exhorting Christians to recognise and act upon their “unique calling and gifting.”  The writers and speakers of those messages are, I think, unaware of how stifling such a message can be to some people.  For those who do feel a Calling into ministry that’s great, and we celebrate with you and support you in that. (And Gary Neal Hansen has written an excellent series of posts about how to identify that Ministry Calling.)

It was drummed into me earlier in my Christian growth the concept “Not everyone is called.”  Not everyone is called to lead or preach or go overseas with Missions.  I believed the lie that I didn't have a "Calling", "Ministry" or "Gifting".  So when I heard messages about stepping out into your unique gifting and calling from God, my heart would respond "what gifting? What calling?" And I’d become anxious trying to figure it out. When I wanted to try something new, the thoughts would attack me with “You’re not called for that.”

I was just me being me, doing what I do, the mundane, ordinary, everyday, getting-on-with-it things. 

I’m in the process of coming to the conclusion that the idea of a unique “calling” and “gifting” for each believer is being over-emphasised.  It’s becoming a distraction trying to work out what those callings and giftings are.

Yes, we are each created uniquely.  Yes, it is intended for us to make a difference in the lives of those around us.

For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10)

For those of us with “ordinariness”, let’s think less about trying to figure out what our “calling” or “gifting” is and just get on with getting on with it.

I’m going to go back to concentrating on just being me, and doing what I do.  Focus my attention back to loving God and loving my neighbours.  I’m finding that’s bringing much more freedom.  When I want to try something new, I don’t have to figure out if it’s in my “calling” or not, I can just give it a go anyway and see how it turns out.

We may never see in this world the outcome of what we do.  We may never know what difference we have made to those around us.   We can only see the outside, but God sees the inside of the heart, and the eternal consequences that we cannot see.

Just like Sarah Smith from Golders Green, let’s make our focus loving God and loving others.

A Widow’s Offering

Jesus was sitting in the temple near the offering box and watching people put in their gifts. He noticed that many rich people were giving a lot of money. Finally, a poor widow came up and put in two coins that were worth only a few pennies.
(Mark 12:41-42 CEV)

The sun was hot and bright.  She tucked damp stray strands of hair back under her headscarf and crossed the street to find the shade.  The dust was getting into her eyes and the smell of the sweaty sticky throngs of people and animals got into her nostrils.  The pushing and shoving of the crowd carried her through the temple gates into the Women’s Court.

She stayed at the edge of the crowd, trying to pray despite the noise.  The richly dressed Teachers glared sharply at her, sneering as they strode past.  She shrank back into the shadows the best she could, to stay out of the way.  She tightened her hand around the coins, their edges digging into her palm reassuring her that she hadn’t dropped them.

She carefully made her way to the offering box. Several times she was shoved roughly by one of the Teachers, their flowing linen robes showing the status of their office.  It was one of those very Teachers that had evicted her from her hovel the previous day, after demanding more rent than she could afford, and more than the room was worth.  She watched as he made a great show of dropping a fat purse of gold into the offering box. 

A trickle of sweat escaped from under her headscarf and ran down her temple. 

She remembered previous offerings she’d made.  The time when she saw the box after the priests had emptied it and carried the contents to the treasury at the end of the day, and realised her small pennies were still stuck in the grime at the bottom – overlooked and forgotten.

Or the other time when the guards watching the offering box jeered at her as she dropped her small coins in, and cuffed at her to get out of the way of the wealthier worshippers.

Tears pricked in her eyes at the memories.  She inhaled deeply, and reminded herself it didn’t matter, she was here to make her offering to God, and not to people.  The taunts and jeers and blows were not going to stop her.  This was her act of worship.

She’d learned to be as invisible as she could, to creep in when there were fewer people around, or they were looking elsewhere, quick and quiet and not noticed.  There was that new teacher on the other side, he was talking to the crowds and everyone was listening to him.  Even the guards were straining to hear him.  Now. Quickly.

As she was scuttling back from the box, she glanced around to make sure she was unobserved, and to her shock found the new Teacher’s eyes were looking directly at her.  But there was no scorn, no displeasure.  Those eyes somehow looked right into her heart and soul, and they were filled with only Love.

Jesus told his disciples to gather around him. Then he said: “I tell you that this poor widow has put in more than all the others. Everyone else gave what they didn’t need. But she is very poor and gave everything she had. Now she doesn’t have a cent to live on.”
(Mark 12:43-44, CEV)

 

Who am I
    To come into Your Holy Presence
What have I
    To bring as my offering
All those around
    Offer gifts of shining gold
All I have
    Are these two copper coins

Here am I
    I bring myself to Your altar
All of my heart
    All of my life
I pray You’ll find my gift worthy
Here at Your altar
    With my two copper coins

Here am I
    I’m kneeling in Your Holy Presence
Here I come
    Bringing You this offering
All those around
    Offer gifts of shining gold
Here I bring
    You these two copper coins

Here am I
   I bring myself to Your altar
All of my heart
    All of my life
Your Love has found my gift worthy
Here at Your altar
    With my two copper coins

(Two Copper Coins, © Claudia McFie 2014)

Needing one another

Maybe I’d started to believe it when I was a new Christian, and was told by a very spiritual I-wish-I-was-like-that lady at church told me how she was so close to the Lord she never needed help from anyone else.

Or maybe it was the time many years ago when I was depressed, and when reaching out asking for help and support I was let down and disappointed. I remember someone telling me “Maybe you just need to ask God to show you why this is upsetting you so much.”

It may even be rooted within our culture that values self-sufficiency and independence, and looks down on those who show weakness.

However it got there, I have been carrying a belief that God should be enough without needing other people, and to ask for help is a lack of faith. 

It sounds like a very spiritual thought.

It’s a lie.

A few months ago, when I was feeling discouraged, I asked, “Father, is it wrong that I’d just like to hear some encouragement from another person, and not just from you?”

We are designed and created to live in community – even in the beginning when it was said “It is not good for man to be alone.”  Throughout scripture we called to support and encourage and pray for one another.  If we are to be encouraging one another, then it must be because we need to be encouraged by one another too.

The Truth is that it takes courage to admit when things aren’t okay, and to ask for help and prayer.

The Truth is that it is okay to want to hear a reassuring word, or to need a hug.

When was the last time you offered encouragement?

Just as important – when was the last time you received encouragement?

Thank you to all my encouragers  (I hope you know who you are).  I appreciate you.

Out of the winepress–a reflection on Gideon

 

Poor Gideon.  He seems to be considered a bit of a coward, hiding from his oppressors in a winepress, demanding signs from God before taking any action, and then waiting for the cover of darkness to do so.  "Look at Gideon," I’ve heard some people say, "he should have trusted the word of God and been bold enough to just go and knock down that Asherah pole then and there."

When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” …  “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.” (Judges 6:12 & 15, NIV)

I can relate a little bit to Poor Gideon.  His threshing wheat in the winepress idea looks a lot like my hiding a lamp in a bushel idea.  I often find myself asking God "Are you sure?", doubting that I've heard him right when I'm surrounded by people with far greater skills, talents and experience than what I have.  I’m conscious of my own inadequacies, I feel I have the least to offer.

There's nothing in the text that tells us Gideon was wrong to ask God for His reassurance.  The author of Judges accuse Gideon of cowardice.  Instead we are shown how God can use the least of us for His greater glory. 

God knows that when He calls the least qualified that extra encouragement and reassurance is needed, and in His grace provides it in the right way  and at the right time.  An offering supernaturally combusts, fleece is dry instead of wet then wet instead of dry.  At the greatest challenge -  a numerous enemy faced with only 300 men - an overheard conversation provides the necessary boldness and inspiration. An enemy is dispersed without a sword being lifted. 

The less I have to offer, the more room there is for God's Spirit to move instead. 

It is not for me to fight the battle, I am just asked to stand and blow a trumpet and shout and hold my torch high so it can be seen.

Courage is not the lack of fear and doubt, it is stepping out  in spite of those doubts.  And courage grows out of encouragement.  It's okay to ask God for reassurance and encouragement when faced with challenges, in His mercy and grace they will be given to me.

The all of me

 

They say courage isn’t the absence of fear, but feeling the fear and stepping forward anyway.

When I prayed “Lord, let me come deeper into you,” I expected it would be warm and wonderful. I thought there would be an intensity to my worship, that there would be a deep joy and an awareness of His love.

What’s happened instead is there’s been a digging deeper inside of me, bringing to the surface my past anxieties, hurts and brokenness.

It was so much easier when the past stayed buried, the memories didn’t bother me and I didn’t bother them.

I know in my mind that it’s different now, but my physical emotions are not yet convinced.

The past lies still mock me.  You’re not good enough for this.  You don’t really belong here.

My stomach knots, my chest tightens.  Emotion wells up in my throat.

You are here because I have led you here.  Don’t be afraid, I am with you.

I couldn’t cry back then.  I dared not, it wasn’t safe.  I’m not afraid to cry now.  A caring hand on my shoulder, and the wave breaks over me.

“You must be getting tired of praying for me week after week,” I say, “I don’t like being needy.”

If I am to worship with all of my heart and mind and soul and strength, then that includes these messy, hurting and broken parts of me.

Instead of being afraid of these emotions, I will make them my offering at the altar, the gift of my worship.  I welcome and accept them, then give them to Him, just as they are.  This is my entire heart, the all of me.

“Lord, let me have courage.”

I feel the fear, but I’m not afraid of it.  I will step into and through it: one step, then another and another.

Send out your light and your truth;
let them guide me;
let them bring me to your holy mountain,
to the place where you dwell.
Then I will go to the altar of God,
to God, my joy and my delight.
I will praise you with the harp,
O God, my God.

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my saviour and my God.
(Psalm 43:3-5, NIV 1985)

Not your battle to fight

In one of the quieter corners of the Old Testament, rarely visited by Sunday preachers, lived a king of Judah called Jehoshaphat.  Faced with a vast enemy, thoroughly outnumbered, Jehoshaphat responded by calling the nation to fasting and prayer, “For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us.  We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you.”

God’s answer through the prophet was this: “Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army.  For the battle is not yours, but God’s.”

The next morning, they went out towards the battle.  Jehoshaphat appointed men to sing to the Lord and to praise him for the splendour of his holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying “Give thanks to the Lord, for his love endures forever.”  It was less a march to battle as it was a procession of worship.

By they time they came to the place that overlooked the battle field, all they saw was a dead army awaiting plunder – the enemy had fought among themselves and so destroyed each other. (Retold from 2 Chronicles 20)

My enemy is within me.  My anxieties well up in me, wave upon wave, threatening to overwhelm me. I try using the breathing and relaxation techniques I’ve learned from my counsellor, but find myself me praying, shaking and trembling, tears streaming down my face.  I have no power to face this.  I don’t know what to do. I’m scared, but my eyes are upon you, God.

This is not your battle to fight.

My default setting is to think “Here is a problem, I must do something to solve this.”  I now have two problems to solve: the original stress that has triggered this, and then the anxiety and fear, which often seems bigger than the original issue. 

This is not my battle to fight.  It’s not about fighting back against the anxiety, but shifting my focus to worship, “Give thanks to the Lord, for his love endures forever.”  I’m to change my approach from a march into battle to a procession of praise.  It’s a letting go of the need to DO, and Trusting instead.

Easier said than done.

Don’t be afraid or discouraged.  This is not your battle to fight.

Achieved

I can do this.
Six months working towards this.
I have now achieved my first half marathon.

The route took us through the city then out to the residential red zone.  The quietness of the Avonside area was eerie. 

My devotional reading this night before the run included this passage:

"Even youths grow tired and weary" - I've been feeling that a lot so  far this year.  The background tension that's been building up in me I'm only now starting to learn how to let go.  Letting go of that tension means learning more how to trust.  

Running has helped with this.  As I run, I find a rhythm and pace I can maintain, and strangely enough it helps  my brain to relax. Sometimes I can pray as I run, more I just focus on the moment, take each step, each stride, each pace as it comes.

I'm not quite at the "run and not grow weary" stage.  My legs are certainly telling me all about it the day after! But I feel good that I've achieved my  goal. 

I can do this.

(If you are really interested, my official results are here)