“Nice try,” the thought whispers in my mind, “but not really good enough.”
Actually, I’ve put my all into this, and surely “Good Enough” isn’t too much to aim for?
Hold on, that thought isn’t true… too late, my emotions have already kicked in and my body has reacted to them. There’s a sort of hollow feeling in my stomach, my throat feels tight, and pressure behind my eyes suggest weepiness.
Images flash through my mind. Some are memories, others are “what if”s of worse case scenarios.
But it’s NOT TRUE, I tell myself. I am a “good enough” wife/mother/friend/employee/worshipper. No-one has actually said anything to imply that I’m not “good enough,” yet there’s a striving with me to work harder, try better, because I don’t want to “fail”.
Remember, I don’t have to DO anything to earn God’s love. Or my husband/children/friend’s love.
Thoughts like “not good enough” wind around our minds like some kind of vine or creeper, trapping us inside, choking us from trying.
Jesus used entangling thorns as a metaphor for “the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth” that “choke [the word] making it unfruitful.” (Matthew 13:24, NIV).
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5, NIV)
I used to think this verse was talking about the thoughts that tempt us to sin. But now I’m starting to realise it also relates to those thoughts that would hold us back from being and doing what God is calling us to.
These thoughts don’t like being “taken captive”. In the last month or so as I’ve been unravelling this basket, they’ve been getting louder and more frequent. But I know them for what they are – discouraging lies.
Time to do some weeding.