It’s Easter Eve.
In theory I should be spending this time meditating and reflecting and praying. In practice I’m spending the day quietly reading, and recovering from a mild virus that hit the day before yesterday.
In fact the whole spiritual side of Holy Week has passed me by a little bit this year. Much like Lent has. I had every intention of observing Lent, even if I did start a few days late this year. And while I did keep to my fast in the physical side, the prayer and reflection side of fasting just didn’t happen.
It’s been a strange spiritual journey this year. What I had expected to be a particularly meaningful Lent, Holy Week and Good Friday haven’t been. I simply haven’t had the energy to spend the time in prayer that I expected to have.
I read blogs of some very beautiful and spiritual women who do manage to contemplate the crucifixion in profound ways while washing their dishes and tending to their families. I’m not one of those women.
Although I’m not setting aside the time to pray, I’m still aware in the back of my mind what the season is. I’m just tired and weary of aftershocks and stress.
Perhaps this is what the disciples felt? Friday had been a horrible day – not only had their beloved leader been crucified, they’d also experienced a frightening supernatural darkness, and a major earthquake that shook open tombs. Shell shocked, and traumatised and grieving. Wanting to run and hide and wish it would all just GO AWAY. I know what that feels like.
Steve said last Sunday that this is possibly the first Easter where we are in most need of a Resurrection. The disciples had no way of knowing what was coming. They would have felt that other earthquake on the Sunday morning, and taken it for an aftershock (and I think that even in the first century, it would have been observed that earthquakes are followed by more, slightly smaller shakes). They would have been terrified. This time last weekend I was diving for cover in a magnitude 5.3 aftershock, that went on for a minute and a half. So I can relate to that too.
The disciples only had 3 days to wait for their resurrection, but they didn’t know that at the time. We’ll probably have to wait more than 3 days for our “Sunday” in Christchurch, but when it does come I wonder what it will bring?